An Explanation for My Absence

I can sum up my absence from this blog in a hypothetical situation: Let's say that your relationship of 7 months ended miserably on HALLOWEEN while you were wearing your dream costume (sexy Hermione Granger!) and then you went on to mope for the next two weeks, wearing only black as a means of mourning the death of your relationship ... oh, and you had midterms.
Not that this is what happened, but let's just pretend it's my excuse for putting Hugfire on hold. Who could blame me, right?

Moving on (like I really should! Ok, bad pun), here is my list of 3 things that will make anyone (or maybe just me) feel genuinely happy, at least temporarily, after a bad breakup:

1. Sasha Fierce's (wtf, why the name change Beyonce?) new single "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) - First off, she's hot and plain ol' fun to watch. Secondly, the lyrics will be your new facebook status because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I watched this video 8 times. In a row.


2. "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human" by Ian Spector - Example: "Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces." Better example: "Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyway, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is." This book will get you through the toughest times of your life, GUARANTEED.

3. Dressing in disguise - As I previously mentioned, black was the new "every other color" in my wardrobe. I was still in that wardrobe stage between "I have a boyfriend" and "I'm newly single and would like to attract as many men as possible." So while I was home in LA I picked up some awesome nerd glasses and laceup leath-uh boots at the Fairfax Flea Market and a pair of faux leather leggings from Target. Dressing in black on black on black made me feel like a badass instead of a mopey, brokenhearted grump.

Mourning the Death of a Relationship by supercereal

Yeah, it was a pretty shitty couple of weeks. But I think I'm done being emo and done neglecting this blog. I'm still wearing the nerd glasses and the black on black on black though!

-manbearpig

If You're Going to San Francisco...

Plan for Vandalism... THWARTED

There is a reason why I write under the alias redpanda. It is because red pandas are the fucking cutest animals you will ever see in your life. So I decided to create some urban artwork (if you catch my drift) inspired by the best animal ever. I spent so much time and effort drawing a beautiful stencil, sneaking around in the middle of the night, and vandalizing a wall only to return in the morning to find my gorgeous red panda PAINTED OVER WITH WHITE PAINT. You can imagine the distress I felt. Also, I don't even have the stencil any more because I disposed of the evidence. Luckily I took pictures of the stencil making process:


redpanda LIVES

The Universality of the Gangster Lifestyle

Okay, so I am no G. I grew up partly in Russia and partly in the East Bay (and not even the gangster parts of the East Bay, mind you) but am coming to realize that everyone should live by the gangster code of ethics in order to get the most out of life. My conception of gangster morality can be summed up in this valuable aphorism:

Mo' money, mo' bitches.

This handy little saying helps me to justify pretty much every aspect of my life. Yes, I was a hedonist before I discovered the importance of gangster ethics, but now I feel connected to an enormous amount of hedonists around the world who incorporate such phrases into their lives. In fact, the more I am exposed to gangster ideology, the more handy phrases I discover. For instance, just yesterday I picked up two: bbc and dgaf. What better way is there to proclaim two universal truths: bitches be crazy, and don't give a fuck?



Overall, the gangster lifestyle applies to pretty much everyone and I think it's important to acknowledge the lessons it can teach us. So remember, "never fuck without a rubber, never in the sheets, like it on top of the cover, money on the dresser, drive a Compressor, top notch hoes, get the most not the lesser."



redpanda